This post is courtesy of the Great Nico Dyll–

I know that I’m at least partially responsible for spreading these rumors and completely responsible for starting them, but it takes two tango so I’m not apologizing to everyone. Let’s please try and keep it at a reasonable volume, I have a delicate heart, and I will address all of your questions, I assure you.

First of all, no – Tony Calabrese will not be writing checks for laughs on Saturday. Also the people standing outside his bedroom window giggling and running away in the middle of the night will never see any money out of it, unless they turn themselves in for the reward money.

Second, this is a free, PG-13 comedy show – we are not bird trainers. As much as we would like to see thirteen comedy crows perform at Twang’s, we cannot claim responsibility for this. We have enough odd birds showing up to keep your feathers unruffled though.

Third – yes, please bring food, please bring, snacks – DO NOT BRING FIRE DANCERS. We are sensitive and understanding to different cultures and peoples, however, we can’t have it again this week. We would like to thank (name omitted pending litigation) for sharing the unique experience of boogie combined with third degree burns. We do however, like to provide a safe environment for people to laugh their heads off without being harmed or actually losing said heads, so please, keep the violent and/or destructive pageantry behind closed doors and padded walls.

Four – While you are free to bring your family, ritual sacrifice is 100% OPTIONAL (for now), and the scones at Twigg’s are always fresh of course.

Lastly – Dustin isn’t hiding that Boeing 777 in his garage like I keep telling people. I’d like to live in a world where the FBI and international community can take a joke, but we’re just not there yet. (Sorry about your dour getting broken down Dustin).

The show will go as planned, on time this Saturday; make sure you arrive early to snag parking because I threw out my back yesterday and won’t be able to stack cars Jenga-style like last time.

Join us this Saturday at Comedy Heights!  This week’s lineup includes guest host Dustin Nickerson, Sarah Burford, Gene Levin, Al Gavi, Tony Calabrese, and more!